And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
