3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize