He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
