Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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