just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
