You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
