It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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