I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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