Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize