rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
