Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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