Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
