i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
