He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
