At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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