Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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