i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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