Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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