I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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