i would punch a child for taco bell
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
