Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
