I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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