how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
