Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
