I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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