just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
