what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
