My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
