I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize