Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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