There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
