Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
