he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
