i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
