I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drake has all the answers
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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