im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
