i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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