I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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