I am in a vortex of obligation.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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