Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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