and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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