you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
