I like my sex mixed with concussions.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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