I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
