census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
