His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My breasts were aching with rage.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
