how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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