After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
