remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
