Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
