I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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