so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
