Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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