All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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