I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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