Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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