Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
