I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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