Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
