fuck your aforementioned shoe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
