Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
