WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
