I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize