i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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