haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
