Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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