Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize