Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
